| "You can't fight what's in these mountains." |
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Afghan Knights
SCREENER/APPROX. 102 MINS/2007/USA R18+
SCREENER/APPROX. 102 MINS/2007/USA R18+
3
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The back-story to this number is a little reminiscent of that of the Spear of Destiny. For those who aren’t familiar with this obscure occult “real-life”
tale - let me fill you in. The Spear of Destiny is the spear of Roman legionary Longinus, the fella who stabbed Christ while on the cross. Apparently,
any ruler who possesses the Spear will be unbeatable in battle. It’s rumored that Hitler went to great lengths to possess the Spear, which
disappeared from his ownership just before everything went tits up for the Reich. Raiders of the Lost Ark style bullshit? Probably. But an
interesting tale, nevertheless. In this case, the items are a couple of arrows imbued with the souls of Genghis Khan and one of his homeboys, and
to possess them gives you supernatural powers. The arrows disappeared during the 30s when Stalin was sending troops into Mongolia, smuggled
out of the monastery they were being kept safe in by a young monk.
Everything appears to be going quite well for a while (that’s of course, a relative term…) but it wouldn’t be an action film without a few cluster-
fucks along the way there have to be characters clashing, bad decisions being made, and just pure dumb bad luck. And of course, like in all good
action flicks (I’m thinking Where Eagles Dare particularly), there’s always some motherfucker who knows much more than he or she is letting on…
Leap forward to last year in Afghanistan, and we see a flashback of a bunch of Yank mercenaries caning the shit out of some Afghani soldiers, led
by a fella named Cooper (Michael Madsen, reprising his usual laconic tough guy role with aplomb). In the present day, Cooper is putting together a
crew to smuggle a local bigwig from Nuristan into Pakistan – in and out in three days, paying $150,000 each. The soldiers themselves (especially
washed-up alcoholic, Pepper) are a pretty damaged crew of misfits – we’ve all seen The Dirty Dozen, I don’t need to draw you a picture. Madsen
ain’t Lee Marvin, and the other guys ain’t Bronson, Savalas, Borgnine or Sutherland, but it’s still a pretty entertaining romp – and a bit of fun. No
great earth-shattering picture that’s gonna change your life, but if you’re a fan of no-brainer action films with loads of tough-guy back and forth
and lots of hot lead flying about; run, don’t walk to get it. The supernatural weirdness that starts to permeate the story is just a bonus.
I started being reminded at times of other war films with elements of the supernatural, like The Keep, and The Bunker; I guess this is a bit like
those films trapped in a place that rapidly becomes more and more claustrophobic, being hunted by something nasty just think those two films
mixed with the macho bullshit (I mean it in a good way! It was hell entertaining!) of the first Predator film.
Okay, so it stars Michael Madsen, which may irritate the piss out of some people some people just don’t like the guy; I have no idea why - but
about whom I gotta say, I’ve got a lot of time for (outside of BloodRayne, of course). And the exploitative nature of setting an American film during
the current political climate in Afghanistan might cause a few groans, but it still deserves a watch nevertheless.
tale - let me fill you in. The Spear of Destiny is the spear of Roman legionary Longinus, the fella who stabbed Christ while on the cross. Apparently,
any ruler who possesses the Spear will be unbeatable in battle. It’s rumored that Hitler went to great lengths to possess the Spear, which
disappeared from his ownership just before everything went tits up for the Reich. Raiders of the Lost Ark style bullshit? Probably. But an
interesting tale, nevertheless. In this case, the items are a couple of arrows imbued with the souls of Genghis Khan and one of his homeboys, and
to possess them gives you supernatural powers. The arrows disappeared during the 30s when Stalin was sending troops into Mongolia, smuggled
out of the monastery they were being kept safe in by a young monk.
Everything appears to be going quite well for a while (that’s of course, a relative term…) but it wouldn’t be an action film without a few cluster-
fucks along the way there have to be characters clashing, bad decisions being made, and just pure dumb bad luck. And of course, like in all good
action flicks (I’m thinking Where Eagles Dare particularly), there’s always some motherfucker who knows much more than he or she is letting on…
Leap forward to last year in Afghanistan, and we see a flashback of a bunch of Yank mercenaries caning the shit out of some Afghani soldiers, led
by a fella named Cooper (Michael Madsen, reprising his usual laconic tough guy role with aplomb). In the present day, Cooper is putting together a
crew to smuggle a local bigwig from Nuristan into Pakistan – in and out in three days, paying $150,000 each. The soldiers themselves (especially
washed-up alcoholic, Pepper) are a pretty damaged crew of misfits – we’ve all seen The Dirty Dozen, I don’t need to draw you a picture. Madsen
ain’t Lee Marvin, and the other guys ain’t Bronson, Savalas, Borgnine or Sutherland, but it’s still a pretty entertaining romp – and a bit of fun. No
great earth-shattering picture that’s gonna change your life, but if you’re a fan of no-brainer action films with loads of tough-guy back and forth
and lots of hot lead flying about; run, don’t walk to get it. The supernatural weirdness that starts to permeate the story is just a bonus.
I started being reminded at times of other war films with elements of the supernatural, like The Keep, and The Bunker; I guess this is a bit like
those films trapped in a place that rapidly becomes more and more claustrophobic, being hunted by something nasty just think those two films
mixed with the macho bullshit (I mean it in a good way! It was hell entertaining!) of the first Predator film.
Okay, so it stars Michael Madsen, which may irritate the piss out of some people some people just don’t like the guy; I have no idea why - but
about whom I gotta say, I’ve got a lot of time for (outside of BloodRayne, of course). And the exploitative nature of setting an American film during
the current political climate in Afghanistan might cause a few groans, but it still deserves a watch nevertheless.
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