| |||||
Blood Surf
DVD/APPROX. 87 MINS/2000/USA R18+
DVD/APPROX. 87 MINS/2000/USA R18+
2
| All written material is © from 2006 to Present at DVD Resurrections. This website is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The opinions which are expressed within these pages are solely those of DVD Resurrections. No copyright infringement is intended or implied. |
| ||||||
Blood Surf was originally called Krocodylus, which is a stupid name. It stars Kate Fischer, who was so bad at acting I thought she was trying to
fake an Australian accent. She’s actually Australian, though, and I know this because TISM did a diatribe about her. They also sang about Sophie
Lee, who gives Harvey Keitel head in Holy Smoke, which started out as a good movie but then turned into Keitel wearing a dress in a desert. That
was a dumb plot development, and made me vow to never watch another Jane Campion movie until she got another big name actress nude for
the first time. I can’t wait to see In the Cut. Except that I don’t really like Meg Ryan. But I also don’t really care about Kate Winslet either, ever
since she was in that boat movie.
Speaking of boats, Blood Surf is about some ‘cool’ youthful people who set out to top Jaws by filming themselves surfing, while bleeding, amongst
a frenzy of sharks. Good plan. So after knocking Jaws, the film cuts to Jaws wannabe underwater footage. The characters immediately start
conveniently explaining to each other their movie idea so that we, the viewers, know what they’re up to. The Blood Surfers are really proud that
there will be no mechanical fish in their movie like Bruce the shark. They’re right, there’s no Bruce. No, what we have is the best cut out pic of a
shark moving since Jaws 3-D. So, anyway, they go blood surfing, get surprised when the sharks bump the photographer who is also in the water,
and eventually encounter the giant crocodile on the cover. Except it’s not always giant, and doesn’t ever manage to keep the same appearance for
more than six frames.
Blood Surf is directed by James Hickox, brother of Anthony, and he seemed to think it would be a good idea to cast the least talented females
possible, all of whom seem to struggle with their accents. I’m not sure if they’re trying to hide them, or if they just are acting so badly it sounds like
they’re trying to hide them. And here’s a tip for aspiring film makers: If you don’t have Matthew Lillard in your cast, don’t try to cast a break out
character like he often plays. Dialogue is incredibly stupid. When two women bait the reptile, they call it ‘croc teasing,’ and one character says,
‘That’s gotta suck’ when another character surfs into the croc’s mouth. This bit was REALLY stupid, because it seemed like the croc was a dozen
meters away and the guy still just surfed on in.
The croc itself never fares very well. Obviously thinking he’s Godzilla, he blows up a pier in similar fashion to the US film, then wanders around on
his really small feet. This croc changes size more often than Ang Lee’s Hulk, and behaves very ridiculously by doing things like a Free Willy
impression. The CG looks dumb and the mechanical’s head looks imploded. The croc is just really shitty.
And can someone tell me what’s the deal with the rocks in the river at the end?.. Why are they so ominous?
The DVD presents Blood Surf at approximately 1.78:1. There’s the option of storyboard comparison (w’hoo) and some bonus footage. This footage
IS full frame, and gives us more of a chance to see the scary croc puppet, surfing, croc mechanics, and outtakes.
My least favorite Lake Placid rip off so far.
fake an Australian accent. She’s actually Australian, though, and I know this because TISM did a diatribe about her. They also sang about Sophie
Lee, who gives Harvey Keitel head in Holy Smoke, which started out as a good movie but then turned into Keitel wearing a dress in a desert. That
was a dumb plot development, and made me vow to never watch another Jane Campion movie until she got another big name actress nude for
the first time. I can’t wait to see In the Cut. Except that I don’t really like Meg Ryan. But I also don’t really care about Kate Winslet either, ever
since she was in that boat movie.
Speaking of boats, Blood Surf is about some ‘cool’ youthful people who set out to top Jaws by filming themselves surfing, while bleeding, amongst
a frenzy of sharks. Good plan. So after knocking Jaws, the film cuts to Jaws wannabe underwater footage. The characters immediately start
conveniently explaining to each other their movie idea so that we, the viewers, know what they’re up to. The Blood Surfers are really proud that
there will be no mechanical fish in their movie like Bruce the shark. They’re right, there’s no Bruce. No, what we have is the best cut out pic of a
shark moving since Jaws 3-D. So, anyway, they go blood surfing, get surprised when the sharks bump the photographer who is also in the water,
and eventually encounter the giant crocodile on the cover. Except it’s not always giant, and doesn’t ever manage to keep the same appearance for
more than six frames.
Blood Surf is directed by James Hickox, brother of Anthony, and he seemed to think it would be a good idea to cast the least talented females
possible, all of whom seem to struggle with their accents. I’m not sure if they’re trying to hide them, or if they just are acting so badly it sounds like
they’re trying to hide them. And here’s a tip for aspiring film makers: If you don’t have Matthew Lillard in your cast, don’t try to cast a break out
character like he often plays. Dialogue is incredibly stupid. When two women bait the reptile, they call it ‘croc teasing,’ and one character says,
‘That’s gotta suck’ when another character surfs into the croc’s mouth. This bit was REALLY stupid, because it seemed like the croc was a dozen
meters away and the guy still just surfed on in.
The croc itself never fares very well. Obviously thinking he’s Godzilla, he blows up a pier in similar fashion to the US film, then wanders around on
his really small feet. This croc changes size more often than Ang Lee’s Hulk, and behaves very ridiculously by doing things like a Free Willy
impression. The CG looks dumb and the mechanical’s head looks imploded. The croc is just really shitty.
And can someone tell me what’s the deal with the rocks in the river at the end?.. Why are they so ominous?
The DVD presents Blood Surf at approximately 1.78:1. There’s the option of storyboard comparison (w’hoo) and some bonus footage. This footage
IS full frame, and gives us more of a chance to see the scary croc puppet, surfing, croc mechanics, and outtakes.
My least favorite Lake Placid rip off so far.
| BUY DVD @ AMAZON.COM |
|
| "Blood Surfing... It's New, It's Extreme, It's Deadly" |
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Search Review Database: |