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The Breastford Wives
DVD/APPROX. 90 MINS/2007/USA UNRATED
DVD/APPROX. 90 MINS/2007/USA UNRATED
2
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I like porn.
There…I said it. I like porn. I don't care about artistic values, or a storyline, when it comes to hard core porno, I am happy with pussy eating, butt
plugging, cock sucking, titty fucking and red hot, filthy acts between consenting adults that end in a good splattering of the slippery money-shot.
What I don't like is something that looks like porn, that isn't. If something looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I expect it to fuck like a duck.
The Breastford Wives is a duck, that don't fuck!!
The Breastford Wives is, obviously, a 'sexy' adaptation of The Stepford Wives, originally a film that was a brilliant social commentary, recently
turned into a stupid comedy that Mathew Broderick should have had the CRAP beaten out of him for starring in, which tragically was still better
than this turkey!
The Breastford Wives tells the tale of a young couple who have moved to the country to make a better life for themselves, away from the hustle
and bustle of the city. What they don't realize is that the town Mayor/ doctor has been adding an aphrodisiac to the locally produced town wine to
turn everyone into sex crazed sluts, and he intends on adding the female newcomer to his bevy of rootrats....
The main problem with The Breastford Wives is that no one seems to have gone to any trouble to make it. All of the actors deliver their lines like
they have a bus to catch and have to finish work early, which is a blessing when you consider how BAD most of the dialogue is!! There is no doubt
there are some HOT chicks in this, but Glori Anne Gilbert, who looks like a REAL-Life Little Annie Fanny, has the worst wig ever made on, and some
of the other women.... well let's just say big tits are great, but obvious implant scars around the nipples are a slightly lesser turn on. In the
defense of these awful tit jobs some of them have, at least they are over-shadowed by their collagen filled fish lips!!
Over and above the fact that this film has some of the worst simulated sex in it, the biggest disappointment comes from the fact that it was
directed by B legend Jim Wynorski! How could the director of eighties classics like Chopping Mall, Not of this Earth (the remake with Traci Lords)
and The Return of the Swamp Thing have sunk so low...?
This disc also has a few extras, the highlights being the burlesque black and white striptease shorts (that look like they probably came from the
fifties.) If I ever watch this disc again, it will be to see these kitschy-cuties getting 'em out for all and sundry. There is also trailers for other films
from this company, including some reviewed on this site (like Topless Tapioca Wrestling).
There…I said it. I like porn. I don't care about artistic values, or a storyline, when it comes to hard core porno, I am happy with pussy eating, butt
plugging, cock sucking, titty fucking and red hot, filthy acts between consenting adults that end in a good splattering of the slippery money-shot.
What I don't like is something that looks like porn, that isn't. If something looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I expect it to fuck like a duck.
The Breastford Wives is a duck, that don't fuck!!
The Breastford Wives is, obviously, a 'sexy' adaptation of The Stepford Wives, originally a film that was a brilliant social commentary, recently
turned into a stupid comedy that Mathew Broderick should have had the CRAP beaten out of him for starring in, which tragically was still better
than this turkey!
The Breastford Wives tells the tale of a young couple who have moved to the country to make a better life for themselves, away from the hustle
and bustle of the city. What they don't realize is that the town Mayor/ doctor has been adding an aphrodisiac to the locally produced town wine to
turn everyone into sex crazed sluts, and he intends on adding the female newcomer to his bevy of rootrats....
The main problem with The Breastford Wives is that no one seems to have gone to any trouble to make it. All of the actors deliver their lines like
they have a bus to catch and have to finish work early, which is a blessing when you consider how BAD most of the dialogue is!! There is no doubt
there are some HOT chicks in this, but Glori Anne Gilbert, who looks like a REAL-Life Little Annie Fanny, has the worst wig ever made on, and some
of the other women.... well let's just say big tits are great, but obvious implant scars around the nipples are a slightly lesser turn on. In the
defense of these awful tit jobs some of them have, at least they are over-shadowed by their collagen filled fish lips!!
Over and above the fact that this film has some of the worst simulated sex in it, the biggest disappointment comes from the fact that it was
directed by B legend Jim Wynorski! How could the director of eighties classics like Chopping Mall, Not of this Earth (the remake with Traci Lords)
and The Return of the Swamp Thing have sunk so low...?
This disc also has a few extras, the highlights being the burlesque black and white striptease shorts (that look like they probably came from the
fifties.) If I ever watch this disc again, it will be to see these kitschy-cuties getting 'em out for all and sundry. There is also trailers for other films
from this company, including some reviewed on this site (like Topless Tapioca Wrestling).
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