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Café Flesh
DVD/APPROX. 80 MINS/1982/USA X-RATED
DVD/APPROX. 80 MINS/1982/USA X-RATED
5
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Now here’s an idea for a movie: A porno that features sex scenes so bizarre, no one could ever find them erotic.
Café Flesh takes place in the “near future” of the early 80s, so what would be the recent past to us now? Nuclear fallout has ravaged the Earth,
leaving people divided into two different types. One group is called the negatives, and they can not be touched in an erotic way without becoming
ill. The other group is called the positives, not only can they touch erotically, they are forced to do it on stage for negatives to watch.
The main story deals with one couple. The man is your standard sex negative, seizing up at the merest of sexual contact, his partner is also
negative…or is she? No, wait, she’s not, and she’s living a lie. But she has to pretend to be a sex negative or she’ll be forced to perform. It’s still a
tough call for her, though, because she really, really misses sex.
The actual storyline may not be complex, but there are there two things that people are going to remember about this film. The first is the sex. The
sex is fuckin’ weird! The set pieces all occur at the titular, seedy club, and are hosted by a dick-less MC who sometimes dresses up like a female
clown. Some of the patrons even know the MC’s routine by heart, so the show apparently has repeat value.
The first sex scene is a sketch of the good ol’ days, pre-Nuke, with “Mom” at home watching the kids, getting it on with the milkman while “Dad” is
away at work. Okay, that’ s fine, except the kids are grown men with beards and plastic vampire teeth, and the milkman is a rat. Literally, he’s
dressed like a giant rat. What the hell is that? The show continues, with a giant dancing pencil guy fucking a woman in an office while a nude
secretary offers to take a memo. I’m not sure which was trippier, the rat, or pencil head.
All the sex shows are pretty outré, bar the finale, and poorly edited. Maybe this was intentional, but after the set ups that run for various lengths,
characters will suddenly be involved in oral sex, and that will just as suddenly turn into vaginal penetration. This jump editing happens in a few
other moments, so maybe it was just budgetary costs preventing coverage, but then, why would you shoot less of the sex in a porno? The shows
are also fairly elaborate, and sometimes have a cast that seems to outnumber the audience, so one wonders how Café Flesh makes any money.
One interesting bit of porn world commentary during the sex is that all the male cast members are masked, making them interchangeable and the
actor’s identity irrelevant, until the big star arrives for the climax. He’s a large enough star (in more ways than one) that his identity becomes a
selling point, but otherwise the men are just made to look ridiculous.
The other thing that people should remember about Café Flesh is that it stars 80s scream queen Michelle Bauer. This was the reason I wanted to
see this movie, and I have to say, it was disappointing on this front. Bauer appears under the name Pia Snow and only has one real sex scene.
Bauer has since claimed it was faked, and honestly…it could’ve been. Bauer also appears in Bad Girls, and supposedly performs in a scene that
couldn’t be faked, so I guess I’ll just have to try again there.
The acting in Café Flesh varies, but some of the performances are okay. A lot of the “mutants” don’t look much worse than the people you’d
expect to see in a dive like Café Flesh, so perhaps the fallout wasn’t so bad after all. As an overall film, it’s a bit of an interesting curio, but isn’t
one to check out for porn content at all.
The VCA DVD is pretty bare bones. There’s a scene selection by cast member, a photo gallery, an internet ad, and pictures of some other DVD
covers.
The movie’s a bit boring, and the sex is too weird for me. The whole thing even gets a bit banal (note the “b”) by the end. But then, where else will
you get to see men weeping while watching money shots performed by giant pencil heads?
Café Flesh takes place in the “near future” of the early 80s, so what would be the recent past to us now? Nuclear fallout has ravaged the Earth,
leaving people divided into two different types. One group is called the negatives, and they can not be touched in an erotic way without becoming
ill. The other group is called the positives, not only can they touch erotically, they are forced to do it on stage for negatives to watch.
The main story deals with one couple. The man is your standard sex negative, seizing up at the merest of sexual contact, his partner is also
negative…or is she? No, wait, she’s not, and she’s living a lie. But she has to pretend to be a sex negative or she’ll be forced to perform. It’s still a
tough call for her, though, because she really, really misses sex.
The actual storyline may not be complex, but there are there two things that people are going to remember about this film. The first is the sex. The
sex is fuckin’ weird! The set pieces all occur at the titular, seedy club, and are hosted by a dick-less MC who sometimes dresses up like a female
clown. Some of the patrons even know the MC’s routine by heart, so the show apparently has repeat value.
The first sex scene is a sketch of the good ol’ days, pre-Nuke, with “Mom” at home watching the kids, getting it on with the milkman while “Dad” is
away at work. Okay, that’ s fine, except the kids are grown men with beards and plastic vampire teeth, and the milkman is a rat. Literally, he’s
dressed like a giant rat. What the hell is that? The show continues, with a giant dancing pencil guy fucking a woman in an office while a nude
secretary offers to take a memo. I’m not sure which was trippier, the rat, or pencil head.
All the sex shows are pretty outré, bar the finale, and poorly edited. Maybe this was intentional, but after the set ups that run for various lengths,
characters will suddenly be involved in oral sex, and that will just as suddenly turn into vaginal penetration. This jump editing happens in a few
other moments, so maybe it was just budgetary costs preventing coverage, but then, why would you shoot less of the sex in a porno? The shows
are also fairly elaborate, and sometimes have a cast that seems to outnumber the audience, so one wonders how Café Flesh makes any money.
One interesting bit of porn world commentary during the sex is that all the male cast members are masked, making them interchangeable and the
actor’s identity irrelevant, until the big star arrives for the climax. He’s a large enough star (in more ways than one) that his identity becomes a
selling point, but otherwise the men are just made to look ridiculous.
The other thing that people should remember about Café Flesh is that it stars 80s scream queen Michelle Bauer. This was the reason I wanted to
see this movie, and I have to say, it was disappointing on this front. Bauer appears under the name Pia Snow and only has one real sex scene.
Bauer has since claimed it was faked, and honestly…it could’ve been. Bauer also appears in Bad Girls, and supposedly performs in a scene that
couldn’t be faked, so I guess I’ll just have to try again there.
The acting in Café Flesh varies, but some of the performances are okay. A lot of the “mutants” don’t look much worse than the people you’d
expect to see in a dive like Café Flesh, so perhaps the fallout wasn’t so bad after all. As an overall film, it’s a bit of an interesting curio, but isn’t
one to check out for porn content at all.
The VCA DVD is pretty bare bones. There’s a scene selection by cast member, a photo gallery, an internet ad, and pictures of some other DVD
covers.
The movie’s a bit boring, and the sex is too weird for me. The whole thing even gets a bit banal (note the “b”) by the end. But then, where else will
you get to see men weeping while watching money shots performed by giant pencil heads?
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| "THE TIME...Five Years After The Nuclear War. THE SURVIVORS... Post-Nuke Thrill Seekers Lookin' For A Kick." |
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