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Dark Wolf
DVD/APPROX. 93 MINS/2003/USA R18+
DVD/APPROX. 93 MINS/2003/USA R18+
4
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Yet another film where someone got confused about what the title was supposed to be. This obviously was meant to be Nudewolf, not
Darkwolf. The film starts in a strip club to let the viewer know that the nudity is here, and it’s gonna stay. Outside of a porno, Nudewolf has
what has to be the longest scene of a naughty photo shoot ever, but thankfully it’s all pertinent to the plot since the models are dressed ala
lycan.
As I said, the film starts in a strip club, because that’s where some cops have tracked a werewolf (Kane Hodder). He transforms before they can
lock him up, killing one of the cops. But it’s not ordinary cop, he’s part of a highly secret occult department. Hodder gets away because evidently
police don’t really follow suspects for very far without giving up. The death of this cop was a very tragic plot development because it meant the
lead occult officer has some stupid, very unconvincing blonde girl following him around as his psuedo-partner, but thankfully she doesn’t last too
long. Officer Occult tells her that the werewolf they’re after is a hybrid, part of a subspecies that arose when a Saxon knight went looking for
lupine love. The hybrid is seeking to mate with a werewolf of “matriarch pure blood.” By successfully mating, Hodder will breed…pure blood
werewolves. I have no clue how mating with a mutt of the wolf world will result in pure bloods, but whatever. Maybe it has something to do with
the fact that Hodder isn’t just any old hybrid, but a darkwolf. Regardless, his begetting will be the end of the world as we know it. Naturally,
Officer Occult has to find the bitch and prevent all this from happening.
So what the hell’s a darkwolf? It’s a super strong werewolf that follows the scent of its would-be matriarch pure blood via skin-to-skin contact. I
guess the scent doesn’t transfer to clothes, and it’s not explained why the scent isn’t strongest on the actual female as opposed to some people
she’s touched flesh with. A darkwolf can also evidently teleport, as he manages to kill a guy in an alley while also being in the background of every
photo at the naughty pictorial session.
The story is VERY muddled. Tippy Hedren (in a flat performance) tells our hero a lot of stuff he should already know, but it’s never really explained
what she is or why she knows anything about the situation. When Tippy snuffs it, it becomes quite apparent that in Nudewolf world it’s incredibly
easy to leave the scene of a murder, as the characters just wander off. Guess the professor that teaches to let suspects just go is involved in
Crime Scene 101 at the Academy, too. The characters have a tendency to recycle a lot of the same phrases their peers have said, and dealing
with the werewolf is described grandly as “so not cool” and “harsh.” One character says, “Give me a second,” while thinking after specifically being
told there were “Zero seconds to decide.” A TV cameraman focuses a shot entirely on Hodder, who was in the background of a crime scene, in a
poor plot device used simply to get Hodder on the TV screen to scare the leads. There’s a bit of bloodshed, but nothing special or even particularly
good. The film attempts to be funny, but generally fails, though I did like the guy wanting to kick someone’s ass for minding his own business.
The story’s crap, but at least it reinvents the lycanthrope genre. Forget The Howling. Forget The Wolfman. Forget Teen Wolf, too. Forget ‘em
all, because this movie has werewolves that like to demonstrate cheesy as all fuck, glowing red eyes. Hodder displays this first, which is good
because it’s the closest he comes to being the werewolf, as he DOES NOT suit up for this. Why would someone hire Hodder than not USE him?
The costume is very, very apelike. It looks like a Congo escapee that had pointy ears glued on and was instructed in facial expressions by a
deranged Muppet. The CG werewolf effect is very blurry and looks like a dog. The CG transformations are almost good enough to be in a video
game. Almost. Oddly, when the matriarch female changes, all her clothes disappear instantly, but I guess that does keep with the Nudewolf
theme. Maybe including clothing would’ve been too much effort for the transformation sequence, but as is, the film would’ve done better just
splicing in a clip of She Hulk transforming from an old cartoon show.
The DVD comes with a making of, which is really a selection of interviews with each segment posing a question to various cast and crew. It’s
revealed that the plan with Nudewolf was to make something like, get this, Python. Talk about aiming the bar too high, I mean, come on!
The writer says the movie’s not really a werewolf movie because…uhm…I’m not sure why, as he’s almost as muddled as his script. It’s also cleared
up as to why the costume looks so much like an ape…because it was originally. The funniest thing is the lead actress saying she liked her
transformation scene because it tested her ability…but it was all done by very poor computer graphics! She’s not even there! The making of just
keeps going and going, so you get to hear a lot of people prattle on about ridiculous stuff like that. Also included are some pointless bloopers and
the trailer. The film is presented at 1.85:1
Unless you need to see a LOT of nudity and can’t be bothered with XXX, or want to witness the worst CG gunshot ever, curb this.
Darkwolf. The film starts in a strip club to let the viewer know that the nudity is here, and it’s gonna stay. Outside of a porno, Nudewolf has
what has to be the longest scene of a naughty photo shoot ever, but thankfully it’s all pertinent to the plot since the models are dressed ala
lycan.
As I said, the film starts in a strip club, because that’s where some cops have tracked a werewolf (Kane Hodder). He transforms before they can
lock him up, killing one of the cops. But it’s not ordinary cop, he’s part of a highly secret occult department. Hodder gets away because evidently
police don’t really follow suspects for very far without giving up. The death of this cop was a very tragic plot development because it meant the
lead occult officer has some stupid, very unconvincing blonde girl following him around as his psuedo-partner, but thankfully she doesn’t last too
long. Officer Occult tells her that the werewolf they’re after is a hybrid, part of a subspecies that arose when a Saxon knight went looking for
lupine love. The hybrid is seeking to mate with a werewolf of “matriarch pure blood.” By successfully mating, Hodder will breed…pure blood
werewolves. I have no clue how mating with a mutt of the wolf world will result in pure bloods, but whatever. Maybe it has something to do with
the fact that Hodder isn’t just any old hybrid, but a darkwolf. Regardless, his begetting will be the end of the world as we know it. Naturally,
Officer Occult has to find the bitch and prevent all this from happening.
So what the hell’s a darkwolf? It’s a super strong werewolf that follows the scent of its would-be matriarch pure blood via skin-to-skin contact. I
guess the scent doesn’t transfer to clothes, and it’s not explained why the scent isn’t strongest on the actual female as opposed to some people
she’s touched flesh with. A darkwolf can also evidently teleport, as he manages to kill a guy in an alley while also being in the background of every
photo at the naughty pictorial session.
The story is VERY muddled. Tippy Hedren (in a flat performance) tells our hero a lot of stuff he should already know, but it’s never really explained
what she is or why she knows anything about the situation. When Tippy snuffs it, it becomes quite apparent that in Nudewolf world it’s incredibly
easy to leave the scene of a murder, as the characters just wander off. Guess the professor that teaches to let suspects just go is involved in
Crime Scene 101 at the Academy, too. The characters have a tendency to recycle a lot of the same phrases their peers have said, and dealing
with the werewolf is described grandly as “so not cool” and “harsh.” One character says, “Give me a second,” while thinking after specifically being
told there were “Zero seconds to decide.” A TV cameraman focuses a shot entirely on Hodder, who was in the background of a crime scene, in a
poor plot device used simply to get Hodder on the TV screen to scare the leads. There’s a bit of bloodshed, but nothing special or even particularly
good. The film attempts to be funny, but generally fails, though I did like the guy wanting to kick someone’s ass for minding his own business.
The story’s crap, but at least it reinvents the lycanthrope genre. Forget The Howling. Forget The Wolfman. Forget Teen Wolf, too. Forget ‘em
all, because this movie has werewolves that like to demonstrate cheesy as all fuck, glowing red eyes. Hodder displays this first, which is good
because it’s the closest he comes to being the werewolf, as he DOES NOT suit up for this. Why would someone hire Hodder than not USE him?
The costume is very, very apelike. It looks like a Congo escapee that had pointy ears glued on and was instructed in facial expressions by a
deranged Muppet. The CG werewolf effect is very blurry and looks like a dog. The CG transformations are almost good enough to be in a video
game. Almost. Oddly, when the matriarch female changes, all her clothes disappear instantly, but I guess that does keep with the Nudewolf
theme. Maybe including clothing would’ve been too much effort for the transformation sequence, but as is, the film would’ve done better just
splicing in a clip of She Hulk transforming from an old cartoon show.
The DVD comes with a making of, which is really a selection of interviews with each segment posing a question to various cast and crew. It’s
revealed that the plan with Nudewolf was to make something like, get this, Python. Talk about aiming the bar too high, I mean, come on!
The writer says the movie’s not really a werewolf movie because…uhm…I’m not sure why, as he’s almost as muddled as his script. It’s also cleared
up as to why the costume looks so much like an ape…because it was originally. The funniest thing is the lead actress saying she liked her
transformation scene because it tested her ability…but it was all done by very poor computer graphics! She’s not even there! The making of just
keeps going and going, so you get to hear a lot of people prattle on about ridiculous stuff like that. Also included are some pointless bloopers and
the trailer. The film is presented at 1.85:1
Unless you need to see a LOT of nudity and can’t be bothered with XXX, or want to witness the worst CG gunshot ever, curb this.
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