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Dracula's Dirty Daughter
DVD/APPROX. 84 MINS/1999/USA R18+
DVD/APPROX. 84 MINS/1999/USA R18+
3
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So what do I have against naked lesbo sex – nothing. I just have this slight attachment to a thing called plot…
Vampirina – although she goes goth-incognito when dealing with mortals - a vampire, rather obviously, is getting revenge on a dude called John
for having killed her father-in-darkness in a past life (that would presumably mean he’s meant to have been Jonathan Harker in a past life, if she’s
meant to be Dracula’s daughter – although wasn’t that Gloria Holden about 60 years ago? Prolific old bugger he must have been – why am I
speaking like Yoda?). That’s about all the plot we get, and it takes about five to ten minutes of boobs before we get it.
John’s sister seems to have this power to make nekkid lesos nude up and have horny soft-core sex in her living room, which is a power I’d like to
have, I’ll admit. But it’s hardly one I’d kill for, nor does it advance the plot in any appreciable way, although it’s admittedly nice eye candy.
Vampirina moves in with John and his waste-oid College pal Matt – a stoned waste of sperm and egg who seemed to think he was channelling
Chris Rock – and is markedly mysterious about her private space, so much so that you have to wonder about the director’s mental powers... I
mean, could it have been presented to the two “heroes” in an even more alluring fashion? Ooh, what’s behind the door? It (not that exact phrase,
obviously) was constantly repeated in such a way as to be annoyingly intrusive. I did get a slight chuckle from the fact that the previous tenant
moved out because he couldn’t deal with the bestiality porn the boys were watching – you never (thank Christ) saw it, you’d just hear the
occasional moan and the plaintive bleat of a sheep…
The majority of this film is soft-core lesbian sex, strung together with stoner jokes and sex talk, with Vampirina being “menacing” all the while. By
the way, for future reference, this takes more than attempting to be callous with your subordinates, and talking like a female Clint Eastwood.
So revenge is Vampirina’s game – and when John is hauled down to the basement in the final act in order to execute it, we get a line that had me
shooting my martini across the room like an alcoholic fire-hose: “We can’t have you desecrating the altar with another pair of testicles.” I must say,
I thought I was going to choke. We’re left cued up for a sequel, not to want to offer any spoilers – and it was an unexpected (if somewhat anti-
climactic) resolution. Watch it and see.
The sound on this vid is pretty average, positively horrible and distorted at times, practically inaudible at others (ADR, people!) – and when the
vampire takes a munch of one of her victim’s necks, it sounds like someone taking a bite of an apple – some crap Foley work, right there.
The sex was soft-core, which didn’t really bother me, as I have no real interest in porn, but it did seem to be padding for a flimsy plot, and my
finger was quite often hovering over the fast forward button. Unfortunately, the violence was pretty soft-core too – apart from the final act, and as
a keen fan of splatter (I’m no mere gore-hound, but I likes me violence stronger than this), this was disappointing.
I couldn’t work out if this was meant to be played straight, or for laughs – apart from the final act, which is strictly for laughs. I mean, given the
title, it should be apparent, but the HG Lewis school of acting (although no-one’s as comically poor as Blood Feast’s stellar performance by Mal
Arnold) has that horrible ring of earnest optimism about it for some of the film – like they thought they were making a quality flick at times, a campy
comedy at others. So I couldn’t quite work out the target audience – but it obviously wasn’t me. I’d call myself a serious fan of horror and
exploitation flicks (my favourite directors would include Carpenter, Argento, Cronenberg, Fulci, Romero, D’Amato, Deodato, Lenzi, Franco etc, and I
grew up on a diet of Universal, Hammer, Amicus and Tigon films), and while I do love the occasional bit of sleazy comedic trash (Evil Aliens,
Cannibal the Musical and Die You Zombie Bastards! all spring to mind, as well as anything by HG Lewis), this didn’t push any of my buttons.
Frankly, I’ve had salads that were more interesting.
Extras: Some footage of the cast auditions, some behind the scenes work, a retro-stag movie sampler (all the way from 42nd Street Pete – boobs:
hooray!), a Secret Key trailer vault (trailers for all of the following crap-tastic looking films: Sensual Incantations, Topless Tapioca Wrestling (I’m
sure that one’s full of Mike Leigh grittiness and Ken Loach realism, with a script by Tarantino, no doubt), Forbidden Desires, Taylor Wane’s Erotic
Games, Softcore Divas, The Breastford Wives (oh, the Oscar Wilde wordplay…), The House On Hooter Hill (sigh…), The Busty Stag Collection,
Dracula’s Dirty Daughter, Skin in the 60s, Grindhouse Trash Collection). Meh. There’s also the option to get the catalogue online. I think I’ll pass.
Vampirina – although she goes goth-incognito when dealing with mortals - a vampire, rather obviously, is getting revenge on a dude called John
for having killed her father-in-darkness in a past life (that would presumably mean he’s meant to have been Jonathan Harker in a past life, if she’s
meant to be Dracula’s daughter – although wasn’t that Gloria Holden about 60 years ago? Prolific old bugger he must have been – why am I
speaking like Yoda?). That’s about all the plot we get, and it takes about five to ten minutes of boobs before we get it.
John’s sister seems to have this power to make nekkid lesos nude up and have horny soft-core sex in her living room, which is a power I’d like to
have, I’ll admit. But it’s hardly one I’d kill for, nor does it advance the plot in any appreciable way, although it’s admittedly nice eye candy.
Vampirina moves in with John and his waste-oid College pal Matt – a stoned waste of sperm and egg who seemed to think he was channelling
Chris Rock – and is markedly mysterious about her private space, so much so that you have to wonder about the director’s mental powers... I
mean, could it have been presented to the two “heroes” in an even more alluring fashion? Ooh, what’s behind the door? It (not that exact phrase,
obviously) was constantly repeated in such a way as to be annoyingly intrusive. I did get a slight chuckle from the fact that the previous tenant
moved out because he couldn’t deal with the bestiality porn the boys were watching – you never (thank Christ) saw it, you’d just hear the
occasional moan and the plaintive bleat of a sheep…
The majority of this film is soft-core lesbian sex, strung together with stoner jokes and sex talk, with Vampirina being “menacing” all the while. By
the way, for future reference, this takes more than attempting to be callous with your subordinates, and talking like a female Clint Eastwood.
So revenge is Vampirina’s game – and when John is hauled down to the basement in the final act in order to execute it, we get a line that had me
shooting my martini across the room like an alcoholic fire-hose: “We can’t have you desecrating the altar with another pair of testicles.” I must say,
I thought I was going to choke. We’re left cued up for a sequel, not to want to offer any spoilers – and it was an unexpected (if somewhat anti-
climactic) resolution. Watch it and see.
The sound on this vid is pretty average, positively horrible and distorted at times, practically inaudible at others (ADR, people!) – and when the
vampire takes a munch of one of her victim’s necks, it sounds like someone taking a bite of an apple – some crap Foley work, right there.
The sex was soft-core, which didn’t really bother me, as I have no real interest in porn, but it did seem to be padding for a flimsy plot, and my
finger was quite often hovering over the fast forward button. Unfortunately, the violence was pretty soft-core too – apart from the final act, and as
a keen fan of splatter (I’m no mere gore-hound, but I likes me violence stronger than this), this was disappointing.
I couldn’t work out if this was meant to be played straight, or for laughs – apart from the final act, which is strictly for laughs. I mean, given the
title, it should be apparent, but the HG Lewis school of acting (although no-one’s as comically poor as Blood Feast’s stellar performance by Mal
Arnold) has that horrible ring of earnest optimism about it for some of the film – like they thought they were making a quality flick at times, a campy
comedy at others. So I couldn’t quite work out the target audience – but it obviously wasn’t me. I’d call myself a serious fan of horror and
exploitation flicks (my favourite directors would include Carpenter, Argento, Cronenberg, Fulci, Romero, D’Amato, Deodato, Lenzi, Franco etc, and I
grew up on a diet of Universal, Hammer, Amicus and Tigon films), and while I do love the occasional bit of sleazy comedic trash (Evil Aliens,
Cannibal the Musical and Die You Zombie Bastards! all spring to mind, as well as anything by HG Lewis), this didn’t push any of my buttons.
Frankly, I’ve had salads that were more interesting.
Extras: Some footage of the cast auditions, some behind the scenes work, a retro-stag movie sampler (all the way from 42nd Street Pete – boobs:
hooray!), a Secret Key trailer vault (trailers for all of the following crap-tastic looking films: Sensual Incantations, Topless Tapioca Wrestling (I’m
sure that one’s full of Mike Leigh grittiness and Ken Loach realism, with a script by Tarantino, no doubt), Forbidden Desires, Taylor Wane’s Erotic
Games, Softcore Divas, The Breastford Wives (oh, the Oscar Wilde wordplay…), The House On Hooter Hill (sigh…), The Busty Stag Collection,
Dracula’s Dirty Daughter, Skin in the 60s, Grindhouse Trash Collection). Meh. There’s also the option to get the catalogue online. I think I’ll pass.
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| "Dracula's daughter has risen... Her female lust cannot be quenched" |
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