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Ghoul School
DVD/APPROX. 70 MINS/1990/USA UNRATED
DVD/APPROX. 70 MINS/1990/USA UNRATED
4
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I’d actually been curious about GHOUL SCHOOL for years. Mainly because it features a performance by Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling, who used
to be a regular fixture on the popular (and very funny) American radio show, THE HOWARD STERN SHOW. And now that I’ve finally seen this
movie, I’m glad I waited seventeen years.
This one has to be seen to be believed.
Two thugs hang around outside of the high school that one of them dropped out of. They are convinced that the drunken janitor has money hidden
in the basement. After school lets out, they tie the janitor up and beat him, trying to find out where the money is. When he won’t talk, they shoot
him. Then they explore the basement where the janitor lives and find a sub-basement, which has no real explanation for being there. There are
buttons on the wall and one guy says “I wonder what these do,” and pushes one. Suddenly there are flashing lights and a high-pitched noise, and
they drop to the ground. Later they will turn into monsters because of this “experience.”
The lights and sounds must also have some effect on the water supply (don’t ask me how) because right afterwards, we’re treated to 5 minutes of
the camera panning all the pipes in the building, and water spurting out of water fountains and faucets. For some reason, anyone who drinks from
this water, or comes in contact with it, turns into a flesh-eating monster! This begins with the school’s swim team.
Steve and Jeff (William Friedman and Scott Gordon), our two nerd heroes, are gorehounds who stay at the school after hours to watch a bootleg
horror video in the Audio/Visual room when all this happens. Also around are the school’s awful basketball team and their coach (Ed Burrows)
(after about an hour of practice, only one guy actually gets the ball in the basket!), and a hair metal band rehearsing in the auditorium for the next
night’s big dance.
To let you know how silly this all this, at one point, Joe Franklin calls the school principal (who is also in his office after hours) to ask “what was in
that water” he drank when he spoke at the school earlier in the day (before all these ghoulish shenanigans began!). The principal (Richard Bright)
tells him “Nothing, just water, we bottle it ourselves. There’s a natural spring in the boiler room.”
A guy who calls in to complain even though there is no way he could have been affected? A school that has a spring in its boiler room and bottles
its own water? What the fuck!!!!
As you can see, none of this makes any sense at all.
There are cameos by some so-called celebrities, including Franklin (a legendary talk show host who is probably not known outside of New York)
and Jackie “the Joke-Man” Martling (who at the time was a regular on the Stern show), who appears in a scene where he auditions for Franklin
(which has nothing to do with the rest of the movie), where he just spouts off tons of his typically lame jokes. I’m wondering if Martling helped to
finance the film as well, since the two leads, Steve and Jeff, wear Jackie t-shirts throughout the movie. Martling’s then-wife Nancy Sirianni also has
a role as Roxanne, the tough-talking girlfriend of the lead singer of the hair metal band, called the Bloodsucking Ghouls.
There’s also a much-too-short performance by Mary Huner as one of the principal’s assistants. She had previously appeared in two good low-
budget horror films by director Greg Lamberson (UNDYING LOVE and SLIME CITY), which actually transcended their budgets by being clever and
well acted. GHOUL SCHOOL isn’t quite as entertaining.
But there are lots of laughs from the pure lunacy of the proceedings here. Like the scenes where characters are running from monsters and then
they turn a corner, and stop to talk for awhile. Where did the monsters go? Maybe they were taking a coffee break.
And there’s no rhyme or reason to how to kill the monsters. At one point, Jeff shoots a zombie in the hand, and somehow that kills it.
I’m guessing a lot of the inconsistencies and illogical plot elements were left in for laughs, and because they didn’t have the budget to reshoot very
much of it. All I can say is that, at just over an hour, at least it’s mercifully short. It’s amazing that anyone remembered this film from 1990, much
less reissued it on DVD.
But hey, if you like goofy no-budget horror movies that do yet another variation on NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, and have lots of middle-aged
people running around pretending to be high school students, then you might just enjoy this one.
One interesting note: In the extras, there is a short promotional version of the film which was made to attract investors. Strangely, the promo film
has much superior effects and actually looks pretty cool and creepy. In every way it’s better than the final film, even though it’s only around 10
minutes long. What the hell happened between the cool promo film and the silly final feature?
to be a regular fixture on the popular (and very funny) American radio show, THE HOWARD STERN SHOW. And now that I’ve finally seen this
movie, I’m glad I waited seventeen years.
This one has to be seen to be believed.
Two thugs hang around outside of the high school that one of them dropped out of. They are convinced that the drunken janitor has money hidden
in the basement. After school lets out, they tie the janitor up and beat him, trying to find out where the money is. When he won’t talk, they shoot
him. Then they explore the basement where the janitor lives and find a sub-basement, which has no real explanation for being there. There are
buttons on the wall and one guy says “I wonder what these do,” and pushes one. Suddenly there are flashing lights and a high-pitched noise, and
they drop to the ground. Later they will turn into monsters because of this “experience.”
The lights and sounds must also have some effect on the water supply (don’t ask me how) because right afterwards, we’re treated to 5 minutes of
the camera panning all the pipes in the building, and water spurting out of water fountains and faucets. For some reason, anyone who drinks from
this water, or comes in contact with it, turns into a flesh-eating monster! This begins with the school’s swim team.
Steve and Jeff (William Friedman and Scott Gordon), our two nerd heroes, are gorehounds who stay at the school after hours to watch a bootleg
horror video in the Audio/Visual room when all this happens. Also around are the school’s awful basketball team and their coach (Ed Burrows)
(after about an hour of practice, only one guy actually gets the ball in the basket!), and a hair metal band rehearsing in the auditorium for the next
night’s big dance.
To let you know how silly this all this, at one point, Joe Franklin calls the school principal (who is also in his office after hours) to ask “what was in
that water” he drank when he spoke at the school earlier in the day (before all these ghoulish shenanigans began!). The principal (Richard Bright)
tells him “Nothing, just water, we bottle it ourselves. There’s a natural spring in the boiler room.”
A guy who calls in to complain even though there is no way he could have been affected? A school that has a spring in its boiler room and bottles
its own water? What the fuck!!!!
As you can see, none of this makes any sense at all.
There are cameos by some so-called celebrities, including Franklin (a legendary talk show host who is probably not known outside of New York)
and Jackie “the Joke-Man” Martling (who at the time was a regular on the Stern show), who appears in a scene where he auditions for Franklin
(which has nothing to do with the rest of the movie), where he just spouts off tons of his typically lame jokes. I’m wondering if Martling helped to
finance the film as well, since the two leads, Steve and Jeff, wear Jackie t-shirts throughout the movie. Martling’s then-wife Nancy Sirianni also has
a role as Roxanne, the tough-talking girlfriend of the lead singer of the hair metal band, called the Bloodsucking Ghouls.
There’s also a much-too-short performance by Mary Huner as one of the principal’s assistants. She had previously appeared in two good low-
budget horror films by director Greg Lamberson (UNDYING LOVE and SLIME CITY), which actually transcended their budgets by being clever and
well acted. GHOUL SCHOOL isn’t quite as entertaining.
But there are lots of laughs from the pure lunacy of the proceedings here. Like the scenes where characters are running from monsters and then
they turn a corner, and stop to talk for awhile. Where did the monsters go? Maybe they were taking a coffee break.
And there’s no rhyme or reason to how to kill the monsters. At one point, Jeff shoots a zombie in the hand, and somehow that kills it.
I’m guessing a lot of the inconsistencies and illogical plot elements were left in for laughs, and because they didn’t have the budget to reshoot very
much of it. All I can say is that, at just over an hour, at least it’s mercifully short. It’s amazing that anyone remembered this film from 1990, much
less reissued it on DVD.
But hey, if you like goofy no-budget horror movies that do yet another variation on NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, and have lots of middle-aged
people running around pretending to be high school students, then you might just enjoy this one.
One interesting note: In the extras, there is a short promotional version of the film which was made to attract investors. Strangely, the promo film
has much superior effects and actually looks pretty cool and creepy. In every way it’s better than the final film, even though it’s only around 10
minutes long. What the hell happened between the cool promo film and the silly final feature?
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