| "3 Short Stories From Steel Web Studios David Quitmeyer" |
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Tales From the Carnal Morgue: Volume 1
DVD/APPROX. 90 MINS/2007/USA UNRATED
DVD/APPROX. 90 MINS/2007/USA UNRATED
9
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Okay, so everyone knows that the 80s was the best time ever for horror movies, but one trend that developed in the 80s was terrible: Shot on
Video horror movies. It seemed any dumbass that could figure out how to turn their camera on thought they could make a movie, and a lot of them
did just that. In the process they proved just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you necessarily SHOULD. As technology improves,
some of these low budget SOV flicks have gotten pretty slick, but a lot of them still don’t even rate as Z-Grade quality. But there are a few artists
out there keeping the underground not only alive, but actually interesting. David Quitmeyer fits into this category, releasing challenging, engaging
films through Steel Web Studios. David made his horror debut with DVD Resurrections favourite Slaughter Disc, and Tales From The Carnal
Morgue: Volume One is a new DVD collecting some of his short films. The first two shorts have more detailed reviews elsewhere on this site, but
here’s an overview.
The first film is Mail Order Bride, about this guy that gets a mail order bride…except she’s not really a bride, but a concubine. The concubine is
played by Slaughter Disc’s Caroline Pierce, and she’s not just any concubine, but a state of the art, computerised, programmable, lifelike fuck toy.
The guy doesn’t follow the concubine’s directions too well, and the situation ends badly for him.
Mail Order Bride is my fav from Steel Web so far. It’s hugely entertaining, quite funny, and is a loving homage to Bride of Frankenstein. The best
bits come from fake movies-within-the-movie, particularly Cinco De Mayo Massacre, which I think would make the best low budget slasher ever.
Steel Web had announced they were going to do a feature length version of Cinco, much to my delight, but it seems now they are focusing on
another fake film from Mail Order Bride: Bed Bugs From Hell.
The next film on the DVD is Mr. Buttons, about a mysterious, lethal, stinky clown doll. When a young girl receives a package in the mail containing
the loveable, but smelly, Mr. Buttons, she doesn’t ever think it might be some sort of cursed thing sent by her father’s jilted mistress. Silly girl. She
quickly discovers that her new toy has the power to grant wishes, with unvarying finality.
Mr. Buttons is the least of the films on this disc, but still worth a watch. The story’s theme is very worthwhile, and the finale is quite good. The film
is the one most hurt by the low budget of any of Quitmeyer’s movies, and also suffers from a weird strobe kind of effect on the image. I pulled out
my screening copy of this movie, and it looks the same, so it’s a flaw with the film itself, and may be part of why I like the film less, as it’s harder to
watch. Literally.
The final film is Sustenance, which is Steel Web’s slickest production yet. In this one, Pierce is back playing a woman suffering from Bridget Jones
Syndrome: The idea that you’re fat when you’re actually perfectly healthy. Tired of battling her weight, Pierce undertakes a revolutionary weight
loss treatment which involves surgery and a bit of the ol’ Quitters, Inc. forceful technique.
Pierce doesn’t really like being locked away in a room while in recovery, but she is initially impressed with the results. But a doctor keeps coming in,
and sedating her, and performing further surgery on her. It takes her awhile to figure out what’s going on and by then she’s famished.
Sustenance may not be a film that produces edge of your seat excitement, but it’s well crafted, and the twists are winners. Quitmeyer’s subversive
social commentary has plenty of sting when directed at body image ideals, and he drives his point home in a suitably icky finale.
Quitmeyer did seem to want to distance himself from his association with porn while drumming up interest in Slaughter Disc, and in fairness,
Slaughter Disc is certainly a horror film first. It has porno elements, like hardcore sex, but Quitmeyer’s right to not want to be too closely
associated with porno movies with a few flimsy horror elements added in for marketing. Quitmeyer doesn’t use any insertion footage in any of
these films, but there is a shot of a guy coming in Sustenance, and Bed Bugs is slated to have a XXX limited edition version, so maybe Quitmeyer is
ready to combine real sex with nasty violence again.
All three films are presented letterboxed but are not 16x9 enhanced. My DVD also came with a Slaughter Disc sticker and a Sustenance bookmark.
The disc has a few extras as well. Trailers for Slaughter Disc, Mail Order Bride, and Mr Buttons are included. Gag reels for the three shorts are
here, and the full Cooking With Molly segment and the PC 2000 ad from Mail Order Bride are presented in their entirety. There’s also an Easter
egg, and this is one to definitely check out.
I like to support independent cinema, and it’s always nice when someone like Quitmeyer comes along and makes it really easy to sing their
praises. It’s great to finally get these shorts on a proper DVD, and the disc is a must have for fans of uncompromising underground horror.
Video horror movies. It seemed any dumbass that could figure out how to turn their camera on thought they could make a movie, and a lot of them
did just that. In the process they proved just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you necessarily SHOULD. As technology improves,
some of these low budget SOV flicks have gotten pretty slick, but a lot of them still don’t even rate as Z-Grade quality. But there are a few artists
out there keeping the underground not only alive, but actually interesting. David Quitmeyer fits into this category, releasing challenging, engaging
films through Steel Web Studios. David made his horror debut with DVD Resurrections favourite Slaughter Disc, and Tales From The Carnal
Morgue: Volume One is a new DVD collecting some of his short films. The first two shorts have more detailed reviews elsewhere on this site, but
here’s an overview.
The first film is Mail Order Bride, about this guy that gets a mail order bride…except she’s not really a bride, but a concubine. The concubine is
played by Slaughter Disc’s Caroline Pierce, and she’s not just any concubine, but a state of the art, computerised, programmable, lifelike fuck toy.
The guy doesn’t follow the concubine’s directions too well, and the situation ends badly for him.
Mail Order Bride is my fav from Steel Web so far. It’s hugely entertaining, quite funny, and is a loving homage to Bride of Frankenstein. The best
bits come from fake movies-within-the-movie, particularly Cinco De Mayo Massacre, which I think would make the best low budget slasher ever.
Steel Web had announced they were going to do a feature length version of Cinco, much to my delight, but it seems now they are focusing on
another fake film from Mail Order Bride: Bed Bugs From Hell.
The next film on the DVD is Mr. Buttons, about a mysterious, lethal, stinky clown doll. When a young girl receives a package in the mail containing
the loveable, but smelly, Mr. Buttons, she doesn’t ever think it might be some sort of cursed thing sent by her father’s jilted mistress. Silly girl. She
quickly discovers that her new toy has the power to grant wishes, with unvarying finality.
Mr. Buttons is the least of the films on this disc, but still worth a watch. The story’s theme is very worthwhile, and the finale is quite good. The film
is the one most hurt by the low budget of any of Quitmeyer’s movies, and also suffers from a weird strobe kind of effect on the image. I pulled out
my screening copy of this movie, and it looks the same, so it’s a flaw with the film itself, and may be part of why I like the film less, as it’s harder to
watch. Literally.
The final film is Sustenance, which is Steel Web’s slickest production yet. In this one, Pierce is back playing a woman suffering from Bridget Jones
Syndrome: The idea that you’re fat when you’re actually perfectly healthy. Tired of battling her weight, Pierce undertakes a revolutionary weight
loss treatment which involves surgery and a bit of the ol’ Quitters, Inc. forceful technique.
Pierce doesn’t really like being locked away in a room while in recovery, but she is initially impressed with the results. But a doctor keeps coming in,
and sedating her, and performing further surgery on her. It takes her awhile to figure out what’s going on and by then she’s famished.
Sustenance may not be a film that produces edge of your seat excitement, but it’s well crafted, and the twists are winners. Quitmeyer’s subversive
social commentary has plenty of sting when directed at body image ideals, and he drives his point home in a suitably icky finale.
Quitmeyer did seem to want to distance himself from his association with porn while drumming up interest in Slaughter Disc, and in fairness,
Slaughter Disc is certainly a horror film first. It has porno elements, like hardcore sex, but Quitmeyer’s right to not want to be too closely
associated with porno movies with a few flimsy horror elements added in for marketing. Quitmeyer doesn’t use any insertion footage in any of
these films, but there is a shot of a guy coming in Sustenance, and Bed Bugs is slated to have a XXX limited edition version, so maybe Quitmeyer is
ready to combine real sex with nasty violence again.
All three films are presented letterboxed but are not 16x9 enhanced. My DVD also came with a Slaughter Disc sticker and a Sustenance bookmark.
The disc has a few extras as well. Trailers for Slaughter Disc, Mail Order Bride, and Mr Buttons are included. Gag reels for the three shorts are
here, and the full Cooking With Molly segment and the PC 2000 ad from Mail Order Bride are presented in their entirety. There’s also an Easter
egg, and this is one to definitely check out.
I like to support independent cinema, and it’s always nice when someone like Quitmeyer comes along and makes it really easy to sing their
praises. It’s great to finally get these shorts on a proper DVD, and the disc is a must have for fans of uncompromising underground horror.
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