6.5
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The Night they Returned
SCREENER/APPROX. 77 MINS/2004/USA UNRATED
SCREENER/APPROX. 77 MINS/2004/USA UNRATED
Bloody hell! When a screener disc with no cover and only the title printed on the disc turned up in my letter box I was a little worried…. Would this
be a piece of shit? Was some bastard playing a joke on me? Or would this be a little unknown gem of a film?
Luckily it was the latter, because as soon as I got past the opening credits I knew I was in for a treat!
Three extraordinarily hot sisters live together in a little cabin in the woods, about 3 hours away from the nearest town. Brenda (Melantha
Blackthorne) is the oldest (and the hottest) of the group, and gets around town (whenever she goes there) in extremely revealing tops and
leather pants. Tawny (Suzi Lorraine) is Brenda’s twin sister, whilst the youngest of the 3 is Jess (Elisabeth Faure). Brenda & Tawny are into picking
up stray guys, taking them home and butchering, as well as eating, them! The problem is though, Jess has a weird form of telekinesis where she
can feel the victims’ pain, and so anytime a victim is brought home the other two girls have to chain her up!
Brenda goes into town about once a week to get supplies and seek victims. Once the victims are brought home, Brenda & Tawny act all slutty with
them, before hacking them to bits and digging in for some grub. While all this is happening Jess is chained up in her room, and dear old Dad (who
has been dead for a few years!) is wheeled out in his wheelchair so he can watch the girls do what they do best, even though he is just a rotting
corpse!
After the girls have finished playing with their food, it is time to dispose of the remains, which takes place in a little swamp in the woods. However,
unknown to the girls for a while, somebody at one point in time has dumped a barrel of hazardous substance into the swamp, which in time infects
all the body parts which form together to make a very retardedly cool looking swamp monster, hell bent on revenge!
The swamp monster kills off Brenda & Tawny, but for some reason tries to help Jess. Jess however is really shitting bricks, and uses her telekinesis
to make her Dad’s corpse re-animate itself and fight off the swamp monster!
The whole story is as told by Jess who is now in a local nuthouse, now using her telekinesis for good (i.e.: by making her nurse masturbate!).
To give an accurate description of what this film is like, I would have to say a mix between a femininely twisted version of Mother’s Day that takes
place in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house, with the Swamp Thing living just outside the back door! Seriously, The Night They Returned has a
really cool 80’s vibe to the on-screen carnage, and what glorious carnage it is! The gore, for the no budget feel of the film, is fucking incredible!
Although mainly of the torso, limbs & guts sitting around on the floor style, they looking incredibly gruesome, and also add more flavor to the fun
filled viewing experience.
Although it must be pointed out that one effect stands out like dog balls on a cat, for the wrong reason though. When showing the hazardous
waste flowing through the swamp and re-animating all the body parts, it is done by a cartoon montage and to me it just doesn’t work.
Another aspect that also detracts from the film is the letterboxing!. Are you mad? Well the problem is whenever something gory happens the
letterboxing changes either shape (into a jagged edge looking thing) or colour (red), and while it may have been a good idea on paper, on celluloid
it just looks shit and is very off putting. But then again the film i reviewed was in-fact a screener, so i hope, the retail version doesn't contain this
letterboxing problem?
Still, The Night They Returned is a fun, but flawed, film, with a really rocking soundtrack courtesy of some unknown Canadian rock bands, and is
extremely worthy of your time & attention, especially the sisters themselves (did I mention they are fucking hot?) although it could’ve done with a
wardrobe malfunction is some spots
Check out www.SVbell.com for more info on The Night They Returned, and other SV Bell films.
be a piece of shit? Was some bastard playing a joke on me? Or would this be a little unknown gem of a film?
Luckily it was the latter, because as soon as I got past the opening credits I knew I was in for a treat!
Three extraordinarily hot sisters live together in a little cabin in the woods, about 3 hours away from the nearest town. Brenda (Melantha
Blackthorne) is the oldest (and the hottest) of the group, and gets around town (whenever she goes there) in extremely revealing tops and
leather pants. Tawny (Suzi Lorraine) is Brenda’s twin sister, whilst the youngest of the 3 is Jess (Elisabeth Faure). Brenda & Tawny are into picking
up stray guys, taking them home and butchering, as well as eating, them! The problem is though, Jess has a weird form of telekinesis where she
can feel the victims’ pain, and so anytime a victim is brought home the other two girls have to chain her up!
Brenda goes into town about once a week to get supplies and seek victims. Once the victims are brought home, Brenda & Tawny act all slutty with
them, before hacking them to bits and digging in for some grub. While all this is happening Jess is chained up in her room, and dear old Dad (who
has been dead for a few years!) is wheeled out in his wheelchair so he can watch the girls do what they do best, even though he is just a rotting
corpse!
After the girls have finished playing with their food, it is time to dispose of the remains, which takes place in a little swamp in the woods. However,
unknown to the girls for a while, somebody at one point in time has dumped a barrel of hazardous substance into the swamp, which in time infects
all the body parts which form together to make a very retardedly cool looking swamp monster, hell bent on revenge!
The swamp monster kills off Brenda & Tawny, but for some reason tries to help Jess. Jess however is really shitting bricks, and uses her telekinesis
to make her Dad’s corpse re-animate itself and fight off the swamp monster!
The whole story is as told by Jess who is now in a local nuthouse, now using her telekinesis for good (i.e.: by making her nurse masturbate!).
To give an accurate description of what this film is like, I would have to say a mix between a femininely twisted version of Mother’s Day that takes
place in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre house, with the Swamp Thing living just outside the back door! Seriously, The Night They Returned has a
really cool 80’s vibe to the on-screen carnage, and what glorious carnage it is! The gore, for the no budget feel of the film, is fucking incredible!
Although mainly of the torso, limbs & guts sitting around on the floor style, they looking incredibly gruesome, and also add more flavor to the fun
filled viewing experience.
Although it must be pointed out that one effect stands out like dog balls on a cat, for the wrong reason though. When showing the hazardous
waste flowing through the swamp and re-animating all the body parts, it is done by a cartoon montage and to me it just doesn’t work.
Another aspect that also detracts from the film is the letterboxing!. Are you mad? Well the problem is whenever something gory happens the
letterboxing changes either shape (into a jagged edge looking thing) or colour (red), and while it may have been a good idea on paper, on celluloid
it just looks shit and is very off putting. But then again the film i reviewed was in-fact a screener, so i hope, the retail version doesn't contain this
letterboxing problem?
Still, The Night They Returned is a fun, but flawed, film, with a really rocking soundtrack courtesy of some unknown Canadian rock bands, and is
extremely worthy of your time & attention, especially the sisters themselves (did I mention they are fucking hot?) although it could’ve done with a
wardrobe malfunction is some spots
Check out www.SVbell.com for more info on The Night They Returned, and other SV Bell films.
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